Billy Cochran

At the end of May, we found out that we are expecting Cochran baby number three!  It has taken me a long time to share this news.  Not because we haven't been over the top excited about a sibling for George, but because I don't think either of us could have known what this journey would be like for us.  

Getting pregnant again after a loss has been healing, encouraging, exciting, joyful, and has given us hope that only the Lord is able to restore.  But the memories of our second pregnancy are still vivid in our minds, and in the minds of our doctors, friends, and family.  

Fast forward to two weeks ago.  We had our 20-week ultrasound at UAB- the source of all of our hard news.  After an [incredibly thorough] ultrasound, the doctor gave us the news that we have a healthy, thriving [and ridiculously wiggly] little boy on the way!  Friends, we have not heard this news in an ultrasound room in over three years.  And we did not take it lightly- we know what a miracle any life is, especially this second son of ours.  

William Howell Cochran is due at the end of January, and we are calling him Billy.  George is so excited for Baby Billy to join our family, and I can hardly contain my excitement, either.  Being a mom of boys is such a joy to me, and I have loved all three years and one week I've gotten to be a mom to George.  I love the quirky humor of boys- complete with their weird 'secret language', all things pirates, sports, anything outdoors, and just their uninhibited energy.  

So as we are past the halfway point in our pregnancy (at least we hope this baby doesn't take his time arriving!), there is so much we are looking forward to.  I look forward to holding this baby boy in my arms, and seeing his big brother hold him, too.  I can hardly wait to see Clay pour into another son, in the way he has George.  He takes fatherhood to a whole new level- and it has been one of the greatest blessings in my life to watch him father George.  I am excited for the impossibly hard memories of my last pregnancy and birthing experience to be redeemed with sweet ones.  

So we are excited to share with you that Billy will be here sometime around the end of January/beginning of February.  We covet your prayers and well wishes throughout this season of life, and eagerly await the day we get to share the news of our newest addition!

"Glorify the Lord with me, let us exalt His Name together!"

Psalm 34:3

New House

Well- the move is done!  I'm sort of laughing while I type that, because there is so much left to do.  But we are officially in our new house.  And, totally ignoring a few hiccups along the way, all three of us are so happy to be in our new house.  Clay keeps saying that he still feels like we're staying in someone else's house, but hopefully when we unpack the last of everything, and put things on the walls it will feel like home again.

Here are the three pictures I've taken since last Thursday.  I had these visions of taking a family picture on the front steps on our first night.  Moving Day could not have been further from my expectations.  There was no time for a family picture, and frankly, none of us were in the right mindset mood to take a picture.

Here's our house on the eve before the move.  

It looks so peaceful, right?

 This was sometime on Saturday or Sunday.  George has been pretty worried about Harper throughout the move, and he had taken a book to read to her and 'cheer her up'.  

He came up to me after this picture and said, "Mama, Harper won't get out of bed!  I think she doesn't feel good."

Bless that child's heart- he loves that dog.

  We were without television for quite a while.  And while George doesn't really watch that much TV, he definitely loves some screen time.  I found him in our office just watching the screen saver photo slideshow, and he could not be peeled away from it.

Here are a few things I've learned from this move:

* Unless the Lord calls us differently, I never want to move from this house until our kids are old enough to pack us up and move us themselves.  

*  I am so thankful for grandparents.  Both of our sets of parents kept George thoroughly entertained (and out of the move) throughout the weekend.  I love that George loves going to both of his grandparents' houses, and it was so nice to know he was having WAY more fun with them.

*  Packing up an entire house is one of the most daunting and never-ending tasks I have found.  We used a moving company for the actual move, and they gave us a 'generous estimate' of 50 boxes for our house.  When it was all said and done, we had packed almost 100 boxes.  

*  Unpacking is actually the most never-ending task.  I have thrown more away since unpacking than I did when I was packing.

*  Moving was much more emotional than I thought it would be.  I will always be nostalgic for our first house on Woodhaven Drive, even as much as I love our new house and our new neighborhood.  

I feel as though we are starting a new chapter in the life of our family.  We will [hopefully] be in this house for decades to come.  We will watch our kids grow up in this house, and it feels good to allow our roots to deepen in one place.  I love this quote from Father of the Bride.  It is exactly how I hope I feel about this house in the years to come.

"I love this house. I love that I taught my kids to ride their bikes in the driveway. I love that I slept with them in tents in the backyard. I love that we carved our initials in the tree out front. This house is warm in the winter, cool in the summer, and looks spectacular with Christmas lights. It's a great house. I never want to move. But the thing I think I like best about this house are the voices I hear when I walk through the door."

One Year Later

Today is our dear Nan's first birthday.  What a year this has been!  Some of it was so hard, I really didn't know if we would ever make it to this point.  I've never been through something that truly took me to the end of myself- meaning, I've never faced something that I literally could not do anything to alleviate the pain or discomfort the situation caused.  I've never been through anything that I couldn't see the end of the suffering.  

I vividly remember this day last year.  I remember waking up, and George singing 'happy birthday' to Nan.  I remember Clay coming home from working out of town and us packing up the car.  I remember us both crying as we left George at my parents' house.  I remember the minute Nan entered this world. I remember her crazy, jet black hair.  And I will never forget holding her as she left us.

I remember leaving the hospital the next day, without a baby in the back seat.  I remember the first time I got to see George, and struggling to find the words to explain to him that he would never meet his baby sister.  I remember planning our daughter's funeral, and I remember when we laid our sweet girl to rest.

I also remember the glimmer of mercy and love that was intertwined in those impossibly hard memories.  I remember walking into our house from the hospital to a counter-full of food, movies, wine, toys for George, and a refrigerator full of meals for us.  I remember people just showing up- either to be with us in our den as we grieved, bringing us meals, cutting our grass, or anything and everything in between.  I remember being blown away that people wanted to enter into our unspeakable grief- not just witness it from the outside.  Those friendships have shown me more of Christ than I have ever experienced in this life, and it has changed the way I view friendships altogether.

So, what is at the end of that suffering, pain, and grief?  When I came to the end of myself- when I stopped fighting the reality of our life- I found Jesus, waiting for me.  I know that sounds like the 'churchy answer' to give, but it is true.  Finding Jesus at the end of myself didn't make our life less sad, and it didn't make all the pain go away or make our life easier, but He gave me cause to be present in this life again.

I remember our first counseling appointment, and our counselor said to us, "I am here to help you learn how to carry this grief for the rest of your life."  To which I responded, "Ugh!  That sounds exhausting.  I want to know how to get past this.  I just want everything to go back to normal."  I've realized through the course of this year, that healing is not something we ever obtain in this life.  I know the Lord has been so faithful to us, and we have experienced so much of His healing.  But, we will always carry Nan with us.  Simple questions like, "how many kids do you have?" will always, for the rest of my life, conjure up the memory of my daughter.

But thinking about Nan doesn't make me sad anymore.  And I have to say that is largely in part to George.  If you've ever been pregnant while you have a small child, you know you talk about the new baby for at least six months prior to the arrival of that baby.  Clay and I talked with George about the baby, and then we named her Nan, and we would pray for her every single day.  And George has talked about Nan every single day since she was born.  He has taught me how to talk about her with people, and he has given Clay and I the gift of laughter this year when we needed it most.

Clay stayed home with George and I today.  We went to breakfast, took flowers to Nan's grave, went on a hike, and now we're all enjoying naptime.  We were talking this morning how often Romans 8:28 is taken out of context.
"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
Probably at some point during my pregnancy, I clung to this verse, thinking that the only 'good' scenario would be Nan being born totally healthy and we would be the happy, cute family of four.

But here is what I've learned this year:  Nan having a short life was for our good.  It was the Lord's best for our family.  'Good' doesn't mean 'what we want' or what would be convenient for us.  What is 'good' is what glorifies God, and brings honor to His Name.  And we have experienced that in our little family.  We have seen God increase in our family, and we have become less.  I see seeds of faith in George that would not be there, if Nan wasn't with the Lord.  I love Clay deeper because of the rock he has been to our family- when everything fell apart.  The Lord used him to hold us together, and I have never respected or loved him more than I do today.  These are good, and eternal things.  And I cannot wait to celebrate with our Savior, and my daughter when Jesus calls us home.  So today, we will celebrate Nan's life, and God's faithfulness to us, because in the midst of this suffering, there is much to be celebrated!

At Nan's funeral, our pastor spoke on Romans 8:18.  He ended the funeral with this:

"What are we to do with the suffering in this life: know this: it may be great, but the glory, oh the glory is so much greater!"

"For I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed in us."

Romans 8:18

Summertime

I've started this post [in my mind at least...] about ten times, then I find myself consumed with something else other than actually starting it.  If you're not into pictures...then feel free to skip this post completely!

Summertime started off with a bang around here!  For about two weeks straight, George and I had a picnic lunch in our front yard.  I know I'll always treasure those sweet times with my bud.

The very first weekend in June we headed down to the beach for the 30+ annual Cordell-Howell Beach Fest!

I *think* these are all the kiddos.

This boy loves the beach.

The Sunday we got home from the beach, we went out to Camp Winnataska (where Clay and I met over 15 years ago :).  They put in a new cross in the outdoor church, and were dedicating the cross to Clay's grandfather.  

Before the service the boys got to have so much fun cruising around camp!

You can see the new cross if you look hard enough!

Here's the three of us down in the gorge- this picture just floods my heart with memories.  Clay and I met here as awkward teenagers, and now we're married and have a little boy to make memories of his own.  I remember dating Clay for years and every summer we got to spend together out there.  I remember taking our engagement pictures out at camp.  That place will always hold a special part of my heart, but I'm most thankful for the people that place gave me.

Moving right along...a big part of our summer has been spent at the pool, obviously!

Saty introduced these kids to the slushee.  I'd say they were both big fans!

We went to the creek with friends.

We went to the zoo with our cousins!

We went back to the creek with Dad and Harper.

George and Dad have gone fishing.

George learning to hold the reel.

My biggest mistake was getting Harper the worst haircut of her life.  

I really do feel terrible.  Every summer, we get her a 'puppy cut' just so she doesn't shed all over the house and to keep her cooler in the summer.  But this was a down right shave down.

I hope she forgives me one day.

We went to the zoo with Dad!  

And have eaten a LOT of ice cream.

...and popsicles too!

 We celebrated July 4th with both of our families!

 Then July 18th came, and we knew our neighbors, The Maddox Family, had to move.  Goodness gracious, that was a sad day.  George actually just walked inside at one point, and he told Clay, "I'm just sad, Daddy.  I want to stay inside."  I know they'll be back in a year, but we wont live across the street from them.  And that just makes me sad.

 In other news- we sold our house!  This time....we are ACTUALLY moving.  We closed on our house this past Tuesday, and closed on the house we bought in the same day.  We are moving August 1 into our new house in Coventry, and the three of us could not be more excited about it.  

 ...I'm sure you can imagine what a huge help George is in the packing arena.

This weekend we potty trained George.  I have to publicly apologize for ever rolling my eyes at anyone posting on social media daily updates on their potty training adventures with their toddler.  The first time George used the potty, I seriously felt like we needed to send out an email announcement to every person we know- because it felt like that huge of an accomplishment.  

We've been home, literally, all weekend- and George filled up his prize chart pretty quickly!

 I'm not sure we've ever given him anything that has made him as happy as this Jake ship.  He cries at night when he has to leave it, and it's the first thing he asks for when he wakes up.  

He's been a champ this weekend!

This summer has just slipped right through my fingers- I cannot believe August will be here in less than two weeks!  

Mother's Day: Seaside Style

My family decided to spend Mother's Day Weekend (and pretty much the week leading up to) in Seaside this year, and I could not have been more excited.  I really do love Mother's Day, and I was excited to spend the weekend with my mom.  We missed Scooter, KK and their kids (especially George- he got pretty lonely by the end of the trip...more on that later).

I'll just tell the week's trip in pictures.

I think I started talking about the beach a little too early this time around.  George had his binoculars out first thing in the morning saying, "I'm looking for the beach Mama!"  I hated to tell him that we had about seventy-five errands to run before we would start the five-hour-drive down to the beach.  So I didn't.  I couldn't crush his excited spirit.

After waiting ALL day, we finally made it!  It was just the two of us at this point, so I took George on a pizza date in Seaside, and then we walked out to the beach.

...or actually we ran out to the beach.

All of the waiting was TOTALLY worth it when I saw his face when his feet hit the sand.  Seriously- other people [complete strangers] were stopping to watch him be in total awe of the beach.  One might be surprised to know this was his eighth time at the beach in 2.5 years.

Anyways...after all of the excitement of being down at the ocean, I couldn't deny him a trip to the ice cream shop.  It is just so fun to get to let him choose whatever we want to do, and be on our own schedule.

 The next morning was absolutely gorgeous!  Saty and Erin got in town late the night before, and we were all on the beach by 9am.

 Our neighbors, Claire and Lindsey, were down in Panama City with their kids, so they came over for the first half of the day on Wednesday.

 George and John Grady played until I just didn't think they could play any more.

 Olivia, John Grady and George

 Saty might have the coolest beach toy collection I've ever seen.  The little green army men were a huge hit!

They were especially fun in the pool!

 Thursday morning Clay joined us- and we were all SO excited!  

 Towards the end of the trip, George kept asking 'where are all my friends?' because he desperately missed people his age to play with.  At the pool and on the beach he actually asked other kids to come play with him.  It broke my heart a little that he was lonely, but I was also pretty proud of him for asking other kids he didn't know to come play, too!

 I just love this picture.

 Erie and George

 After all the years I've been to Seaside, this view just never, ever gets old.

 Something else that never gets old, is getting ice cream every single night.

 Saty's indoor toy collection is pretty top-notch, too.

 George was quite the porch swing hog this trip.

 Clay and I even got to go on a date, just the two of us!  We had dinner at George's in Alys Beach, and it was such a fun night out.

 Friday night we went to Great Southern Cafe in Seaside, and then decided to go crabbing after dinner. It was SO MUCH FUN.  While we didn't see any crabs since it was still early (and frankly...I don't know what we would have done with them if we had found them since we had no nets), George just ran up and down and all over the beach.  It was just so fun.

 Running with the flashlight.

 Flying a kite with the best dad ever.  He is non-stop action on the beach, and it makes my heart jump watching them play together.

 On top of the world.

 Exhibit #157: Clay builds a ramp out of sand for George's trucks

 Pop and George reading about 37 books before bed time.

 Crabbing attempt #2: this time Saty brings a head lamp!

 Erie and George have the flashlight.

 George wants to trade the flashlight for the head lamp.

 Sunset over Seaside

 Our only family pic from the trip!

Mother's Day brunch at Great Southern Cafe.

This was such a perfect way to spend Mother's Day for me.  I didn't realize how much Mother's Day would make me miss Nan, but oh, how it did.  I look at Clay and George and my heart is so, so full.  Really and truly, they are more than I could ever deserve in this world.  It is an incredible blessing that the Lord has called me to be George's mom, and I am thankful everyday for the privilege to get to stay home with him.  

Since becoming a mother myself, I have become more deeply grateful for my own mom.  She is so steadfast for me, and she loves me so much.  She feels my pain, my excitement, and mourns with me and rejoices with me through each and every step of our journey.  She is such an encouragement, and source joy and light in my life, and I am forever grateful that she is my mom.  

Happy Mother's Day!