When we found out we were having a girl, our doctor at St. Vincent's saw some soft 'markers' for chromosomal abnormalities. She sent us to UAB for a targeted ultrasound, so we could see if what she was seeing was, in fact, the reality of our situation. When we went to UAB, we saw a precious little baby girl, who virtually had no chin. They called it micrognathia, which can be a physical attribute of Trisomy 13 or 18. They also saw a myriad of other smaller issues, and gave a pretty grave prognosis for Nan's life- should she have one. My heart sinks when I think about this day.
They've monitored us closely over the past 2+ months, and we've had bi-monthly ultrasounds. Her chin never showed any improvement, but the smaller issues seemed to be solving themselves. We've seen a neonatal cardiologist who said that Nan's heart looked strong, and was functioning in a healthy way. But her chin was going to make it hard for her to come into this world in a healthy way- even with interventions they would do within the first seconds and minutes of her life. They set up a meeting with a surgery team who would come up with a birth plan for me, and a surgery plan for Nan on the day of her birth.
So we marched in and out of UAB, week in and week out. Anytime they told us to come in for an appointment we were there- sometimes 1-3 times a week, Clay always by my side. So when they called me in the middle of the day last week, asking me to come in for a 'special appointment' for a 'targeted ultrasound', I took a deep breath, put it on my calendar, and showed up when they told me to. Doctor's appointments were wearing me thin at this point.
We saw a new doctor, one who normally doesn't see patients. He started the ultrasound, and I was bracing myself for the chinless profile we'd seen countless times before. Then, out of nowhere, we see this precious little face- full and complete. Our doctor said, '"Oh wow. There's the chin." He didn't have a lot of enthusiasm in his voice, but Clay and I almost crumbled to the floor. He was so matter-of-fact, but we didn't need him to add to our excitement in that moment. He actually thought it was possible that Nan may not need any intervention at all. The Lord created something- out of literally nothing. He made the sad things about Nan come untrue.
When I was pregnant with George, every day that passed during my pregnancy made me more and more excited for his arrival. Since March 20, when we would think about Nan's birth day, there was so much fear and anxiety associated with it. The Lord has replaced our fear with joy and hope, as only He can do.
We still have a long way to go, and we know that there are still so many doctors to see and tests to do, but we know that the Lord is ever-present in our daughter's life. We know this, even if she isn't 'normal' by the world's standards. We know that Nan's life is going to have an eternal purpose, and we have journaled for her throughout this incredibly hard season, so she always knows that she was wonderfully made by our Creator, even when the world might tell her otherwise.
I share this story, to bring light to the fact that the Lord works incredible miracles, even in the deserts of life. Sometimes the miraculous outcomes aren't seen in this world, and we were prepared for that. I am thankful for the way the Lord has shown Himself to us- not just in our appointment on Friday, but every single day since March 20. Even on the hardest of days- He was so near to me. Maybe even especially so.
So, here is our little Nan. I'm not usually one for sharing ultrasound pictures, but this one is just too beautiful.
"Come, ye sinners, poor and wretched,
Weak and wounded, sick and sore;
Jesus, ready, stands to save you,
Full of pity, joined with power.
He is able, He is able;
He is willing, doubt no more."
i love you!
ReplyDelete